Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well you can't waste a boner
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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