You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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