Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
