you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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