Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
