Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
