Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
