Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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