i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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