He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
