I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
