Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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