too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
