i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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