OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
