did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
