Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
