His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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