The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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