How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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