3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
