I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
