It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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