you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
