i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
