Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
