Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
