bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
