Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
