i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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