Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
