Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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