my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
