OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
