At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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