I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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