I need to stop coming to work sober
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
