with your own penis?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
