These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
