Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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