I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
