My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
