It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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