Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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