Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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