is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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