i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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