idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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