I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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