So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
