I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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