I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
