So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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