I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
