The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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