Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
