i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
