Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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