i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
