Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
