we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
