Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
