There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
