Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
