Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
