there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
