Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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