The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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