So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
