Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ladies don't puke and tell
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
