everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
