connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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