Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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