the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
