We won't sleep together?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
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naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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