It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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